Have you ever asked yourself what makes you happy? A lot of you may say family, friends, long walks on the beach, chocolate cake… I really wanna be a writer – I have spoken about this before – I really wanna write but never have any good ideas, am too lazy, blah blah blah. Today I asked myself. Totally spare of the moment; no idea why. A recorded ‘RnB and dance hits of 2014: The official sales’ was playing on TV, I was shaking my thang, just about to walk my boyfriend’s dogs and I randomly asked myself. And it’s dancing. Dancing makes me happy. Now you can argue that dancing is a form of exercise and exercise releases endorphins i.e. feel-good hormones and that’s why it makes me happy. But you’re wrong. Well, I mean scientifically you’re right but that’s just a bonus as far as I’m concerned.
Since I was about three I wanted to be an actress. No idea why. Didn’t know what it involved and never took any steps towards accomplishing my dream. No one else I knew was involved in the performing arts and my parents never pushed me or guided me. Many years later, I gained a place at The Performance Academy at Newcastle College where (too late) I learned ballet, jazz, tap and choreography. It took me a year of not trying very hard and a bollocking from my teacher that I should give up and let someone deserving take my place to actually realise that dancing is was my call in my life.
I got a job with an entertainment company while at university, for which I was paid to flyer, hand out shots, promote clubs/bars and, most importantly, dance. It was podium dancing, which I had enviously wanted to do since seeing dancers in cages while bartending at a rather abysmal nightclub in my hometown. Now, it may sound a bit sordid to those that assume I mean pole dancing. Well, I didn’t and FYI pole dancing is a difficult, beautiful and very expressive dance form. One which I hope to master try someday.
I haven’t been paid to dance for about 8 years. I haven’t danced properly in about 8 years. I haven’t trained in about 8 years.
It is said that you regret the things that you don’t do in life and I have a big one. If I could go back, I would dance. I would dance my little socks off. I might not be very good, I might injure myself (I have crap knees, which is one of the reasons I don’t dance now but it would be too easy to blame genetics) and I might fail. But at least I’d have tried. Now I write (sometimes) and have a good job and a fantastic boyfriend and my own house. And I don’t wanna not have any of those things. But you wonder don’t you? Don’t you?
See you on the dance floor.